To have one's heart broken by a friend is worse than to have a bullet shot through it.

I just don't know why I am such a bad person? What did I do? Why is it that people I care about always seem to run from me? I just don't know why I am so hated?

When?

I have ruined too many lives.

So I seem to be conflicted. Part of be is buying stuff and waiting for it to arrive. However, much of me just doesn't want to be here. I don't know if the buying is so that I keep having something to wait for... Some reason to be here. I don't know. I know I have been trying to put on a good front to everybody but it is all crap. I know I am very depressed. All I want to do is sleep. I keep hoping maybe I just won't wake up.

I find myself mad at everybody and everything. I feel like I want to tell somebody... I want to yell it out. The last time I did that, someone I cared about turned on me and yelled at me for feeling that way and when I needed the support the most treated me bad and ran. So, I don't want to go through that again. I have tried to leave a few things here and there but no one really seems to notice or care.

I guess it is like I said, no one would really care if I was gone. No one seems to care that I am here.

I am sorry that I have been such a problem to everybody. I know that I am not worthy of this life and I am for sure not worthy of the next life.