So here I am awake again in the middle of the night. I swear, I must be going nuts. Just too many damn things to worry about and not enough waking hours to do it in. Oh well...

So for some reason I feel the need to write something here. The problem is I just don't know what it is that I want to say.

I have been a little grumpy today, for a couple of reasons. None of them are real serious but just enough.

Well, I may have "found" myself, maybe. That is I think I have figured out why my brain has been yelling at me lately.

Soon I will be 30 and I really thought that was bothering me and in a way it was. Not so much being 30 actually but the state of affairs I am in.

I had always imagined that by the time I was thirty I would have my degree, a job, and a girlfriend if not be married. Well, none of that has happened. It is almost like everyone around me has moved on but I haven't. Now I know that some of the reasons these things haven't happened are beyond my control, however some of them aren't.

I have to be honest, I really had no intention of writing this into this blog... However, I kind of ran out of choices. While I have several friends, I really have 2 that I am usually comfortable talking to about stuff like this. One has known me half my life but they maybe coming into a troubling area of their life, so I don't want to bog them down anymore. The other friend is fairly new and while I trust this person, I don't know that it is fair to dump this kind of thing on them either.

So, here it is for the entire world to see...

Some days it is easy to get lost in thought. Now I am not talking about being lost in "deep thinking" or anything just having your brain run off without any rhyme or reason.

This has happened to me a lot lately, especially at night. This has kept me from getting much sleep over the last couple of weeks. I know why my brain is doing what it is doing, I am just not sure what I can do about it.

Oh well, every person has their own set of problems that they must deal with. In some respects even with all of my problems, I am sure what has been bugging me would pale in comparison to what others have to worry about...

So the more I think about it the more distrust I have for the democratic party.

In high school we had to read Animal Farm from George Orwell, who also authored the fine book 1984. As we have went along and heard about the "Super Delegates" the more I remember the book Animal Farm. The Democratic Party came up with supper Delegates because they felt that the people (as in we the people, of the people, by the people, for the people) weren't smart enough to choose who they wanted to be the democratic candidate for President.

It is really funny that the "Party of the People" don't even think that the people are smart enough to decided who they want, so they, the high and mighty have to do it for them.

Welcome to the barn yard.

So finally I am starting to feel like a human again. I am really tired and the time change hasn't helped, but other than that I am so glad to have things working again.

The only thing that has me worried lately is all of the crap in the news. I know that I shouldn't care too much about some of it, but the news lately just seems to show how many people really have HUA.

So sometimes I dream about Mom and usually they are good dreams. Last night I had a not good dream. I couldn't figure out why until I woke up this morning. We are almost to March 9th, a really, really bad day.

I have been doing stuff related to the time change on the 9th and associated stuff, but I had forgotten about it being that bad of a day. Apparently my sub-conscience hasn't forgotten and my dream was a little reminder of it. I also most feel bad for not having remembered but then again I would really rather remember the good things and not the bad.

It is funny how your mind can do stuff like that. Consciencely I wasn't thinking about it, but I still knew it was coming. I will also admit that all of those bad memories combined with the other crap that is going on right now has pushed my energy levels and attitude a little further down the hill. Although, just writing this entry is already starting to make me feel a little bit better... I guess talking about it really does help, even if it is just in a blog.