So a year ago yesterday I lost a friend I cared very much about.

I came home scared, depressed, feeling helpless and alone. I expressed my frustration and my feeling of despair... and I got yelled out, told how much I was doing to hurt them and how selfish and uncaring I was.

All I wanted was a friend. Someone I could express those feelings to. I didn't blame them for how I felt, I just needed to tell them.

Now I have another friend who has been very good and allowed me express myself when I have needed to but because of last year I worry that I will do what ever I did again and I will lose another friend.

I worry that at any moment I will wake up and realize I have no friends... that I have done something or said something to drive them all away. I have even had the dream again about dying and no one come to my funeral.