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  • 2010
    • August
      • Why fight it...
        08/07/10
        So I guess it is best to just go back to the way things where. It isn't worth the fight trying to have a life.

        I go out for 1 night in a long time, and yes I got home later than I expected, but what happens? I catch grief for it. It seems to be the way things work. I try to get h

    • July
      • Time to stop.
        07/16/10
        Maybe it is just time to stop everything. Time to stop the IV's, time to stop all the meds, time to stop the fighting.

        Whenever I think I am moving forward something happens that knocks me back. Maybe it's time to just stop trying to move forward. Perhaps it's just best

    • June
      • Am I worth it?
        06/30/10
        Am I worth the trouble? Am I worth the effort of others? Am I worth the heartache everyone goes through because of me? Am I worth being here?

      • What if
        06/28/10
        What if I have to go for surgery?
        What if while I am gone I do something or say something to make more people mad?
        What if when I get back I lose more friends?

        What if I don't tell anyone?
        What if I don't have surgery even if I need too?

        What if things

      • Not sure what the questions is... so how can I know the answer...
        06/20/10
        I have come to realize that my issue with hugs really symbolizes my issue with life. I like hugs, I want hugs, I need hugs... but does anybody want a hug from me.

        I wonder if I am worthy of hugs... I wonder if someone does hug me is it just because they feel like they have to hug me or

      • DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT
        06/10/10
        Found out today that my kidney stones are back. I knew that there were very tiny fragments left... but these sound big. This explains why I have been having more back pain.

        I just don't know what to do now? I have to get a CT, a kidney function study, and some lab work. After t

      • Better?
        06/09/10
        Today someone was here and was going on how much better my depression is and how glad she is that I am not where I was a year ago when I felt like I was unwanted, unneeded, and a bother and a pain... I just couldn't tell her that what she is seeing is more of a good front. I think the "b

      • Saying good bye
        06/07/10
        Sometimes I think I should just tell everybody goodbye and then just go. I am just afraid if I did tell them goodbye I would just be bothering them. Maybe it is just better to go.

      • WHY
        06/03/10
        I still wonder why I survived in 2008? I wonder what the purpose was / is of me surviving? I know it is his plan and we are supposed to have faith but damn it, I want some guidance. I am not asking to see the future or for every freaking detail, just give me the big picture... what the hell am I

      • Selfishness
        06/02/10
        Sometimes... I really do wonder what is more selfish, everyone having to continue to face the heartache or for it to just be over, let the grieving happening and then to move on.

    • May
      • A year ago..
        05/28/10
        So a year ago yesterday I lost a friend I cared very much about.

        I came home scared, depressed, feeling helpless and alone. I expressed my frustration and my feeling of despair... and I got yelled out, told how much I was doing to hurt them and how selfish and uncaring I was.

      • My life...
        05/25/10
        It keeps popping up in my head... you're being selfish and trying to hurt people just to get attention. I know I have been selfish, most all of us have been at least once... but I really try not to be. I also know that I have hurt people, not meaning too. However because it keeps popping up,

      • Time to go...
        05/23/10
        :'-(

    • April
      • final destination
        04/20/10
        I have known for sometime my final destination is a large lake of fire... for eternal destruction. How can someone who has caused so much pain not be destroyed. I am sorry for all of the pain I have caused. I am sorry for the sins I have committed... but not matter how sorry I am, it can't

      • living will
        04/20/10
        I have been thinking about changing my living will. Think I want it to be DNR with no extraordinary measures. If it had been that in 2008, maybe no one else would have had to suffer the pain they did.

      • not well
        04/06/10
        Stress: 100%, Energy Level: 0%.

    • February
      • WOW!!!!!!
        02/13/10
        Wow what a few weeks. It is the middle of February and I just can't believe everything that has happened this year. Sometimes I am a little scared others time so excited that I just can't even think straight! Am I still worried? Yes. Even though I am 99% better... I still have my own

  • 2009
    • December
      • Each day, a little less...
        12/28/09
        So for a while I had started to pick up and feel a little better. Now it seems like the last few days, each day has gotten a little worse and a little worse. It feels like I have a little less strength each day and a little less desire to move forward each day. I just keep thinking maybe this is

      • A better friend.
        12/26/09
        They all deserve a better friend than me. All I have been lately is a bother and a nuisance. When I am down if I post online all I do is piss more people off. One friend, well, isn't very good at the listening and talking stuff. Another friend I know I have been taking advantage of and shou

      • Hugs
        12/21/09
        Sometimes I feel like I just need a hug. I just want a hug. However, I know I can't let anyone hug me.

        I have always been the type that has wanted hugs. I have always felt like when my friends and family was in pain I wanted to hug them... To hold them if even briefly to try and

      • Who needs me...
        12/17/09
        I just keep going over who needs me. I mean Dad needs me now... But after he is gone who really needs me? I don't think there is anybody who really needs me. For that fact I am not sure there is anybody who really, totally wants me. It might take time but they would eventually just forget

      • Just can't...
        12/11/09
        I just can't... I can't deal anymore. I can't keep pretending. I can't be here anymore.

    • November
    • October
      • A rock and a hard place...
        10/18/09
        So I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. At times I really need to talk to someone but I don't have one... So I try to talk to everyone but I feel like I do that I am bothering them. So if I talk them I feel bad and make them feel bad. If I don't talk to them I feel b

      • The most ironic...
        10/18/09
        What is the most ironic? Well, you are conditioned most of your life to not depend on others. To not make those kind of attachments. Then after all of that conditioning to not get help and make connections, you get blasted because you are resisting trying to get help and making that connection.

      • Not just this or that...
        10/04/09
        Thing is, it isn't just what happened after we got home that has me done, though that didn't help. I was already not good when that happened. I wasn't too bad until I woke up in that ICU room with a machine breathing for me that I began my downward spiral.

        I woke up sca

      • Surprised...
        10/02/09
        I often find myself surprised at the number of Facebook friends I have. Even more surprised that most of these people accepted my request (though I am sure many regret it now) and just astonished at home many have actually sent a friend request to me.

        Many of these people have spoken of

      • How are you supposed to feel?
        10/02/09
        So you think that you are starting to get you life together, then all of the sudden things fall apart. You get very, very sick. So sick in fact that you come closer to losing your life than maybe you have ever before and you have come close before. Your mind races trying to figure out what is going

    • September
      • Sayings...
        09/29/09
        To have one's heart broken by a friend is worse than to have a bullet shot through it.

      • Why am I a bad person?
        09/11/09
        I just don't know why I am such a bad person? What did I do? Why is it that people I care about always seem to run from me? I just don't know why I am so hated?

    • August
      • ?
        08/29/09

      • When will it end?
        08/28/09
        When?

      • What I have done...
        08/26/09
        I have ruined too many lives. :-(

      • Conflict...
        08/25/09
        So I seem to be conflicted. Part of be is buying stuff and waiting for it to arrive. However, much of me just doesn't want to be here. I don't know if the buying is so that I keep having something to wait for... Some reason to be here. I don't know. I know I have been trying to

      • I am sorry.
        08/24/09
        I am sorry that I have been such a problem to everybody. I know that I am not worthy of this life and I am for sure not worthy of the next life.

      • Not for me...
        08/24/09
        I see everybody I know with their friends and family and it makes me both happy and sad. It makes me happy to see them happy but it makes me sad because I know that will never be me. I will never have the happiness of a loved one or a family. It would be better for me to just leave.

      • The best thing...
        08/22/09
        The best thing that could happen is if I were to die in my sleep.

      • My attention
        08/22/09
        It has come to my attention that I really serve no purpose here. No matter how much I might like to think I do that is important, much of it is not. The very few things that are important are things that others can do or can learn to do in a very, very short time and will probably do it much bette

      • It is just time for me to go.
        08/22/09
        I don't belong here anymore, nobody wants me here anymore, I don't want to be here anymore. Time for me to go away.

      • Better if I had just died...
        08/22/09
        I still think it would have been better if I had just died last summer. Then I would have no longer been a problem to anyone. I am really thinking about changing my living will to DNR so that the next time I get really sick and get that close, they will have to let me die. I guess I am just tired

      • No body would...
        08/20/09
        I don't think anybody would really miss me if I were gone.

      • Better...
        08/10/09
        Really beginning to think that a bullet to the head would be better...

      • Mixed...
        08/05/09
        So is possible to love someone and to hate them at the same time? I still very much love the person who treated me so unkindly yet I find myself wanting to hate them. I don't know what I want now. I had hoped that we could be friends but I don't think that is possible... I am also afra

    • July
      • What if...
        07/27/09
        So, what happens if something happens to Dad... Right now I can not be by myself and I don't believe that I can afford a full-time live in care giver. So I have the following options as I see it:

        1. Live with my sister either here or in Aurora.
        2. Sign over my assets to my s

      • Wish
        07/26/09
        I just wish someone would tell me what I have done to deserve all that has happened.

      • Given Up
        07/24/09
        Yeah, I have pretty much given up. I seem to be putting up a pretty good front but deep down inside and I am still lost, confused, sad, angry, and disappointed. I am really starting to have those feelings again but unlike last time when I did tell someone... This time I won't. It caused way

      • :-(
        07/18/09
        :-(

      • One sided...
        07/17/09
        Okay yes I am doing it again. I am seconded guess myself.

        Thing is I realized how one sided this has been. One sided in that fact that my side is getting heard but not the other side. Fact is, I would love to hear the other side. That is basically what I think could have helped me d

      • Self esteem...
        07/17/09
        Well all in all it was a pretty good day. Dad and I did have a little tension this morning. (He wants to sharpen my brand new kitchen knives because he doesn't like how the are designed. Usually when he sharpens a knife I either have to spend hours resharpening it correctly or throw it away..

      • What is left...
        07/16/09
        Maybe that should be who is left? OR Who cares? Thing is I don't know what or who is left or if anybody cares either. I am not saying that people don't care about me. I am just saying I think everybody is done with this but me.

        You know, if I look at this from a basic, l

      • Not sure what to call this entry...
        07/15/09
        I feel like I need to write in my blog but I am not sure what to say. It is the evening and I have not had a very good day. Thing is, I usually do okay during the day but it is in the evenings that I seem to go down hill the most. I think it is this time of day that I feel the most alone. I real

      • I can't believe...
        07/14/09
        I can't believe that I would allow myself to fall in love.
        I can't believe that I entertained the idea that a woman could be interested in me.
        I can't believe that I allowed myself to be so hurt by someone.
        I can't believe that I thought that I might have a new fri

      • The end...
        07/08/09
        I am going to start teaching others how to take care of the different websites etc. Then there will be no reason for me continue to be here. Once all of that is passed off, that will be it...

        I am just tired of it all. I am tired of being in pain and tired of being alone. I am tired

    • June
    • May
      • Still Upset
        05/06/09
        I am still upset about some of the things that have happened. I know that I shouldn't be but it is true that it does take me a while to get over things.

        The main things that still have me upset is that the person has not apologized for anything. They said some things that are not

      • It
        05/06/09
        S&W Tactical
        Hornaday Ammo
        Leroux Creek
        Brain Stem

    • April
      • To hell with it all.
        04/11/09
        To hell with the whole thing. It is just not worth the frustration and aggravation. All that I know to say is Lord help me...

      • My thoughts...
        04/08/09
        I titled this my thoughts because of recent it seems that my thoughts no matter how I express them have rubbed someone the wrong way. I think in someways a better title would be frustration. I am feeling frustrated over a current event. Anyway, I guess if someone reads this and it rubs them the w

    • March
      • My Birthday...
        03/31/09
        There are 2 reasons why I really don't want to celebrate my birthday this year...

        1. This year, already, and last year were just really really rough and I just would like to have some peace and quite.

        2. I don't want to have anybody interrupt their schedules for my

      • Spirit
        03/30/09
        My spirit is so ragged, battered, and bruised that I wonder if it can or will recover. I feel so depleted that I really, really wonder if all of this fighting to survive has simply been too much. Everybody keeps telling me how strong my spirit is... I don't know, I don't think that is t

      • Me pissy
        03/27/09
        I am going home tomorrow and I am still pissy. I am just tired of the little nit picky things and I want to be at my own house with my own stuff. I also think I am going to go on a beer and yogurt diet. My system is so messed up at this point I don't think anything else is worth it. I may t

      • One of those nights.
        03/26/09
        Its another one of those nights when I just can't seem to get to sleep. I really don't know why. I really didn't sleep today and I am tired. :-(

        I am feeling down right now and I shouldn't be. We are close to going home... I guess I am just nervous. I haven'

      • This morning...
        03/24/09
        This morning I was laying in bed in the state just before you are really awake, yet not really asleep...And I know my day was going to be hell before it even started.

        My sister was in the kitchen banging and grumbling. I don't know why, I really don't care why... I am just tir

      • You know...
        03/22/09
        You know with all of the events this summer and fall I questioned why anybody would want to be my friend or care about me. I wondered why I got the post cards, get well cards, etc I got... I just couldn't believe that there were any people out there how cared. I think I have gotten my answer

      • And one more thing...
        03/22/09
        The whole time I was in the hospital I only received one get well wish. I got one card by email when I was in the ICU but because of how stoned I was it got taken home and I really didn't see it until I go to my sisters.

        Otherwise I got 0 cards, 0 flowers, 0 anything. Now, I didn

      • This time...
        03/22/09
        I was talking to one of my friends and he was talking about how much better this time must have been than last time. I think they think because of what I went through this summer and the fact that those stones were ticking time bombs, that all of those surgeries must have been soo much worse than t

      • It is confirmed, I am the things I worry about.
        03/22/09
        I know I have been very, very needy lately. However, I now know that I am all of those things I worry about. I am a pain, interruption, and distraction to my friends.

        When my friends need to talk to me I try to give them my undivided attention, blocking out, turning off, or removing a

      • So much for that and a network crash...
        03/06/09
        Today the Doc made his first house call and opened 2 places on my incision line to let the puss and fluid drain out. So much for no more pain and getting some rest.

        There are all sorts of networks from computer to social. I may have a fairly large social internet, however my intranet is

      • Whatever rhymes with numb and dumb...
        03/04/09
        Numb, dumb... Either or neither. I don't know which I am feeling right now. I am glad to be out of the hospital but I still am not where I feel I need to be.

        Problem is even when I get to be physically where I want to be I am not sure I will be okay. The last few times I was in t

    • February
      • Oh Boy! -- Thank you.
        02/13/09
        Well it is Friday night just before I am to leave on Sunday for the big city and the big hospital. Oh Boy! Oh, I know everything is going to be okay. I just am nervous and am having a lot of thoughts running through my brain.

        All I can say is I am very glad for my friends.
      • Done...
        02/10/09
        I think that I am done. I don't think all everything that is planned is worth it. Maybe I should just let nature take its course and just be done.

      • Age
        02/10/09
        Just too old to have a life. Ready to disappear.

      • I just feel alone.
        02/09/09
        I talked to someone else today and I realized that I just feel alone. I know that everybody who has told me, "it will be okay" is probably as nervous or scared as I am. I think I just need someone to tell me they are scared or nervous too. It maybe selfish but I need to hear that someon

      • Anger and Fear
        02/08/09
        Right now I am really afraid of my upcoming surgery and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it.

        First of all, when I have tried to talk to everyone about it all I get is, "It will be okay." or "It's all for the best." Which while I know are the standard

  • 2008
    • December
      • Grumpy...
        12/21/08
        Okay, so I was doing good tonight until... MY FAMILY DECIDED TO COME VISIT ME. First I had to watch a show that I don't really find all that appealing then the one person who does like it wouldn't shut up. Finally the other person just wants to bitch about everything and anything and I

      • What I don't know.
        12/09/08
        Okay, so there are a lot of things I don't know. However what I have wondered recently is are my friends better off for knowing me. I guess there are several ways to phrase. I just want to know if they every wish they hadn't met me.

      • Good news???
        12/04/08
        Last night I realized that I no longer have that feeling that everything would be better if I had not made it this summer. I am still not sure I am worth all of the trouble I have put everybody through...

      • Why?
        12/01/08
        I have had a blah day today. All of my why questions have come back today too. Why did I survive? Why does anybody want to be my friend? Why does anybody care about me? Why, why, why???

        There is noting special about me. I am fat, ugly, don't have a lot of money. I am not as sm

    • November
      • Peace...
        11/29/08
        I don't know why but for some reason I seem to be at peace tonight. It is really nice.

      • Bugging Me...
        11/29/08
        There is or maybe I should say was something that was really bugging me. However, now... Well, I don't know exactly but it doesn't seem to be bothering me.

        I had this feeling that nobody really cared what happened to me. I know that sounds stupid but it all seems to stem fr

      • Thanksgiving...
        11/27/08
        Well today is Thanksgiving and for the most part on the surface it was a good day. However, for some reason I am just not doing very good. My stomach has been on the fritz for several days and that hasn't been good. More than anything it is my emotional state. I just have wanted to hide and

      • Well...
        11/09/08
        At least tonight the IV is running like it is supposed to. I slept most of the day, I guess that is expected with last night. Things have been fairly quite today. I hope that holds out for a while. I am still down, but not quite as bad.

        I think maybe she is starting to see some of t

      • Drip, Drip, Drip...
        11/09/08
        It is now early in the morning and I am waiting for my IV to finish. The stupid thing is wanting to run slow. I could really use the sleep but instead I decided to look back through some of my email. Boy have I got more irritated, grumpy, and just plain down as the days have passed. The biggest

      • SAD
        11/08/08
        I don't know why but tonight I am just sad.

      • The line...
        11/04/08
        Tonight I almost reached my limit, my line. Today has had it's ups and downs but I thought things were starting to go okay. I had some peace and got to talk to my 2 closest friends.

        Then my family came home and everything went to hell. I know that I have a bad temper and can fly o

      • Snippy
        11/03/08
        Tonight I found myself snipping at Dad. While I do believe I was correct with some of what I snipped at him about, it is not good. I know he is getting more and more stressed and so am I. We both just seem to be getting angrier and angrier for no reason.

        We also had a case of father

      • UGH!!!!!!!!
        11/01/08
        SHUT THE HELL UP!

      • The long and the short of it...
        11/01/08
        Well, this summer has been interesting to say the least. Basically from July 7th to October 18th, minus a few days here and there, in one hospital or another. A few of those days were really, really bad. In fact, those days people wondered if I would make it. Not a nice thing to think about.
    • July
      • HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!
        07/04/08
        By my math the country is 230 years old today! I know in the realm of civilization that is pretty young, but what a great feat for the "grand experiment".

        Anyway if you don't know what is all about, FIND OUT!

        I want to thank all of the people out their who hav

      • Get the blog to go...
        07/02/08
        I just wanted to let anyone who might actually want to read my ramblings know that they can do so without even coming to this page. This site does have a RSS feed that you can subscribe to using your favorite "Feed Reader" to do so just click here:

        http://www.bigberetta.net/my

      • About blogging
        07/02/08
        Okay so I have just read through some of my posts... It is interesting how this blog has changed in just a short time. I originally started it as a place to voice my opinions and views on many things, but not really intending for any of the entries to be so personal to me.

        I had thoug

      • Something that bugs me...
        07/01/08
        Okay, so something happened tonight that bugs me. Someone in my family decided to make dinner. However, they didn't get to making it until late. Okay, now to be fair another family member didn't help things with a last minute road trip to the store. However, everyone involved knows tha

      • Be prepared... HAVE A LANDLINE!
        07/01/08
        So the big thing now is to lose your normal landline phone and go either all cell or cell and VOIP. This is bad, very, very bad. I just can't get it? Why can't people understand this is bad?

        Just think about how many times we have seen where cell carriers are overloaded or

    • June
      • GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
        06/30/08
        TIRED - GRUMPY - LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE...

      • Moving on UP
        06/24/08
        I have had some major mind set changes lately. First, I can now actually see myself being more mobile and I want that to happen. Second, I have decided that I do what to "do something". As in, I have decided to start thinking about setting up a web site to do actual web sites for money.

      • Friends
        06/24/08
        It has been an interesting couple of weeks, nay months. Some of the same medical problems keep rearing their ugly heads and that sends me for a loop. The only thing that has happened lately is that I have begun to realize I do have friends... And for some reason they even seem to like me.

    • May
      • No title
        05/31/08
        Yesterday was Dad's Birthday and I was sick most of the day. We had planned on going to dinner tonight anyway, so that was a good thing. Unfortunately I really didn’t have a good evening. Sometime this week, not tonight I don’t think, some of my old medical problems that seem to return every

      • No Change
        05/25/08
        So this weekend has been a royal pain in every part of my body. Then to top it off nothing has really changed with my sister. I don't want to sound mean or nasty, but all of this that was supposed to help her hasn't done much in someways.

        Her big thing was that she would hel

      • Does it matter?
        05/21/08
        I have been wondering lately if what I have done matters? That is, have I done something worthwhile? Have I made a mark? Not to sound morbid or anything, but had I not been here would it have made a difference? I am not thinking, if I just disappeared would anybody notice, I am wondering if I ha

      • I am tired, again, and again, and again...
        05/20/08
        I am just tired for one thing. However, I am also tired of being the kid in this family. I am tired of being seen and not heard. I am tired of my sister giving me that look and little laugh she has that says, "Be seen and not heard." I am tired of everyone being older than me at family

      • I just don't give a flying ____ (you fill in the blank). Family and Friends.
        05/17/08
        I just don't give a flying ____ about most of the people who are blood relatives. I don't mean that in a bad way, it is just the truth. Also, I am sick and tired of hearing about how wonderful these people are, or more properly how wonderful they were when my sister was a little girl. M

      • Dating...
        05/14/08
        Oh boy! I am not sure about all of this yet but I do know I DO want to start meeting women in hopes of finding someone nice. I have put myself on several of the online dating sites. It has only been a few days and there has been some interest. It hasn't been much, but it is early and some i

    • April
      • GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR
        04/27/08
        GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
        RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

      • More Frustration...
        04/26/08
        My friend and her family have suffered a great loss. I too am suffering from this loss. While I hadn't talked to him in a long time, I did know the young man and I always liked him. With this I am feeling that loss and the heart break of seeing my friends in so much pain.

        What h

      • Sad...
        04/25/08
        Nothing to say... :-(

      • Money and the NRA
        04/22/08
        Well as most know I am a big supporter of the NRA and my father, sister, and I are all life members. However, no matter how much I support the ideas behind the NRA, I can never get past their constant pestering for money. It just drives me nuts. I know that they need money to do what they do, but

      • Happiness, Honesty, and Honor.
        04/22/08
        These 3 things seem to be missing in a lot of places these days. What happened to being honest and honorable in all things you did. Isn't these things that do make you happy?

        We seem to be lacking these from all angles. It all relates to what happens to your order at McDonald'

      • Poly-Ticks
        04/22/08
        Just as it seems today has lead us back to the many blood suckers who want to run our country. What a bunch of crap.

        As anyone who has read this blog knowns, I have enough of my own BS to deal with, I really don't need to worry about this political stuff. However, I do know that if

      • Another one of those...
        04/20/08
        So it is another one of those nights when my brain is keeping me awake. The only difference I can see tonight from some others is that I am beginning to see things a little more clearly. It is almost like some sort of haze is starting to lift.

        I think this is partly do to the fact that

      • Small...
        04/19/08
        Tonight is another one of those nights when you realize just how small and insignificant your own problems are. I mean I am having a sore night. One of my medical problems is rearing its ugly head but compared to what my friend's family is going through, this is nothing. My problem will hope

      • Blah this night can just go &&^&*76&*(*^ itself.
        04/16/08
        Tonight has just been wonderful. First I spent all afternoon not doing something because I was waiting on a health care person. They decided to not show until 6. This just really missed up everything. We had planned on having dinner about 6 that way even if our usually night person needed to com

      • Oh boy, damnit.
        04/13/08
        Another one of those nights where I just have some many ideas running through my head, and none of them have to do with sleep. I just keep coming up with these issues that worry me and the truth is most of the things that set it all off are not the things I need to be worrying about.

        F

      • If it ain't one thing it is another...
        04/10/08
        So just as I am starting to get my head screwed on straight (straight but not quite yet tight) and I could sleep, I find myself with a cold and can't sleep.

        My nose is so plugged that I can't hardly breath even with my bipap machine. The inside of my head feels like it is ful

      • Don't move to Durango and work at McDonald's
        04/06/08
        So if you haven't heard about this, READ THIS. A male sicko at the a McDonald's in Durango CO has been found guilty in CIVIL court of sexually harassing underage female co-workers. He did several things including biting them on the breasts.

        Now I don't understand why th

      • A good day.
        04/06/08
        So after being grumpy all day yesterday, I finally had a good day. Yes, some things happened that I wasn't really happy about but overall I had a good day and seem to be fairly happy.

        I hope that my friend did well yesterday and I hope that Dad has turned the corner with whatever

      • That does it I am going nuts.
        04/04/08
        I am beginning to think that I am really in need of some help. The only reason I say this is because I am keep dumping all of my mental crap on those around me who aren't mental health professionals and who most likely don't really want to hear or deal with my crap.

        I admit t

      • I don't know what to call today.
        04/04/08
        So today my Dad had to go to the E.R. He just wasn't feeling well. That just made us all worried all day. As it turns out it probably is nothing too major, he might need to have some of his medicine adjusted. They did find a cardiac enzyme elevated, but with all of the CHF and pacemaker tha

      • Going to buy a cow!
        04/03/08
        Okay so we go through a lot of milk in this house. That is not a bad thing, what is a bad thing is that no one ever remembers to get more milk when they are out. So then what happens, well we press on someone else to get it. That is starting to drive me nuts. I would rather just buy a cow at thi

      • Sites, sites, and sites...
        04/03/08
        Okay, so I do several sites and love doing them, however, I have one that is bugging me. I agreed to do it on a temp. basis until someone else could take over. Well, no one has taken over yet. I think we might be getting close, but until this I just have to whine and complain about it.
      • Learning as we grow...
        04/02/08
        So I have a friend who was upset about something that their SO was looking at online. It wasn't really bad or anything it just made them upset. I understood why they were upset, but it wasn't until we were talking about it that I realized that I had may have caused the same sort of feeli

      • Okay day, GREAT evening.
        04/01/08
        So today didn't start out too good. My stomach sort of seemed to be on the fritz and I worried about it all night. However, getting out for dinner seemed to fix things. I am still tired for being up worrying about it, but better overall.

        This evening I got to be around all of th

    • March
      • Awake...Again...
        03/30/08
        So here I am awake again in the middle of the night. I swear, I must be going nuts. Just too many damn things to worry about and not enough waking hours to do it in. Oh well...

      • The need to say something, but not knowing what to say.
        03/29/08
        So for some reason I feel the need to write something here. The problem is I just don't know what it is that I want to say.

        I have been a little grumpy today, for a couple of reasons. None of them are real serious but just enough.

      • Found
        03/28/08
        Well, I may have "found" myself, maybe. That is I think I have figured out why my brain has been yelling at me lately.

        Soon I will be 30 and I really thought that was bothering me and in a way it was. Not so much being 30 actually but the state of affairs I am in.
      • Lost...
        03/26/08
        Some days it is easy to get lost in thought. Now I am not talking about being lost in "deep thinking" or anything just having your brain run off without any rhyme or reason.

        This has happened to me a lot lately, especially at night. This has kept me from getting much sleep o

      • Animal Farm and the Democratic Party
        03/13/08
        So the more I think about it the more distrust I have for the democratic party.

        In high school we had to read Animal Farm from George Orwell, who also authored the fine book 1984. As we have went along and heard about the "Super Delegates" the more I remember the book Animal

      • When it is good, it is good.
        03/11/08
        So finally I am starting to feel like a human again. I am really tired and the time change hasn't helped, but other than that I am so glad to have things working again.

        The only thing that has me worried lately is all of the crap in the news. I know that I shouldn't care too m

      • Bad Days and Bad Dreams
        03/07/08
        So sometimes I dream about Mom and usually they are good dreams. Last night I had a not good dream. I couldn't figure out why until I woke up this morning. We are almost to March 9th, a really, really bad day.

        I have been doing stuff related to the time change on the 9th and ass

      • When it rains it snows.
        03/03/08
        This last week was one of those weeks and this week doesn't look any better. Oh well! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

    • February
      • CHSAA still sucks
        02/27/08
        The Colorado High School Activities Association still sucks. They are another group of educational idiots who have been allowed to rule the roost for much too long. When I was in High School, it seemed every time we turned around we had some dumb CHSAA rule that kept us from doing something.
      • its your fault, no its your fault -- part 2 -- or HUA on design
        02/25/08
        Okay so the head bozo at the University of Colorado Hospital says it wasn't a design problem when referring to their new off site heli-pad. It is so far off site that you have to be transported by ambulance to the hospital from the pad.



        What an idiot. It was a poor de

      • Its your fault, no its your fault....
        02/25/08
        Either it be New Orleans or Leadville, I want to know what is wrong with the officials of the Towns, Cities, Counties, and States that encompass these areas. I just don't understand how they can see a problem and then do nothing about it.



        Leadville has known that there

      • What is wrong with these people, don't they want a job?
        02/17/08
        Okay, so I placed an ad in the paper to get some work done that I can't do. I got lots and lots of calls. So, I just made a list and made plans with the first guy. Well, he didn't show up. He didn't even call. That just pisses me off. Now I am in limbo. I have another offer of

      • Tired...
        02/09/08
        Today has been a tiring day. Didn't do a lot, but what I did get done ran my nerves up the flag pole and back down. I am just glad that there are nice people still around who can help you to work out problems when they arise.



      • What are these people thinking?
        02/08/08
        Okay, normally I respect Dr. Dobson even if I don't always agree with him. However, after his comments this week, I am not sure that I will respect him if he follows through on his plan to boycott the election if McCain becomes the Republican Nominee, which he will.



        I

      • President McCain?
        02/07/08
        Okay, so I have just typed something that I never thought I would. I had hoped that Huckabee, Thompson, or even Tancredo might make it but it looks like it will be McCain.



        Truthfully I hope he chooses someone like Huckabee to be the V.P. Any Republican ticket has to be bet

      • Yep, the School District is at it again.
        02/06/08
        Once again 50J has went and stuck their foot up their butt. The didn't follow the directions and screwed up the HHS field so now PHS gets a hand job on their field.



        EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU MR. MCMILLIAN.

      • Delta County Schools
        02/03/08
        FINALLY! The chicken shits at Delta County School District 50 J are finally getting taken to task for their arrogance.



        The school board has resided in their Ivory Tower far too long, letting the crooks and "good ole boys" rule the roost. The school board has not

      • GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN!
        02/03/08
        This year I really didn't have a starting choice for a team in the Super Bowl, however I am glad the Giants won. It really doesn't have anything to do with the Patriots undefeated season, it has to do more with their attitude.



        Their is nothing wrong with being sur

    • January
      • Sometimes...
        01/29/08
        Sometimes life just runs in circles. I don't know what that means, but I am sure that somewhere somebody reading this understands completely. Yesterday and today have been like that. They were different days, but no mater what I did, I seemed to end up back in the same damn rut.

        <

      • Learn something, feel stupid.
        01/23/08
        So I just learned my new favorite html tag and feel stupid for not knowing it before. I learned about the marquee tag. It lets you have thing run across the screen, like a marquee of course, with out having to make a moving gif or anything.



        Again learn something new, feel

      • IS THERE A SIMPLE PHP EVENT CALENDAR THAT ACTUALLY WORKS???
        01/22/08
        I have been looking for a php event calendar that actually works the way it should and is secure enough for most uses?



        I have found several php calendars that are workable, but not complete. Some of them work and are simple to use, but not secure enough for my tastes.
      • Some days are better than others...
        01/20/08
        Today overall was a pretty good day. It got the warmest it has been in quite sometime. Things did go up and down inside the house, but I think overall we are doing well.



        Biggest thing I am ticked off about is all of the political crude on TV. I am particularly tired of he

      • I just don't understand...
        01/15/08
        I have a lot of people who come in for various reasons and it always amazes me how dumb some of these people can be. I have labeled, stacked, and organized their supplies. These are the things that they need that are bought an paid for by insurance just for their use.



        Howe

      • Too tired to blog.
        01/14/08
        Today I am just too tired to blog. I still have several projects in the works, but either don't have the money or the energy to finish them.

      • Try it you might like it.
        01/13/08
        It always amazes me when I do a project for someone and then they want all of these changes, so I make the changes, only to have them decide that they liked it better the way I had it. UGH.



        Oh well, I know how it is. You have one thing in mind and then you find out it won&

      • H.U.A.
        01/12/08
        I would like to introduce you all to a recently discovered, yet long standing, medical condition. It is know as HUA (pronounced like hooey only with an a at the end.) It is otherwise know as Head Up Ass. As you can see that it is related to hooey. Usually HUA suffers also suffer from being full

      • Getting used to blogging
        01/12/08
        Well, I haven't written too much since I created this blog. I guess it is just going to take some getting use to. I hope to increase my "blogging" as time goes on.