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      • My Birthday...
        03/31/09
        There are 2 reasons why I really don't want to celebrate my birthday this year...

        1. This year, already, and last year were just really really rough and I just would like to have some peace and quite.

        2. I don't want to have anybody interrupt their schedules for my

      • Spirit
        03/30/09
        My spirit is so ragged, battered, and bruised that I wonder if it can or will recover. I feel so depleted that I really, really wonder if all of this fighting to survive has simply been too much. Everybody keeps telling me how strong my spirit is... I don't know, I don't think that is t

      • Me pissy
        03/27/09
        I am going home tomorrow and I am still pissy. I am just tired of the little nit picky things and I want to be at my own house with my own stuff. I also think I am going to go on a beer and yogurt diet. My system is so messed up at this point I don't think anything else is worth it. I may t

      • One of those nights.
        03/26/09
        Its another one of those nights when I just can't seem to get to sleep. I really don't know why. I really didn't sleep today and I am tired. :-(

        I am feeling down right now and I shouldn't be. We are close to going home... I guess I am just nervous. I haven'

      • This morning...
        03/24/09
        This morning I was laying in bed in the state just before you are really awake, yet not really asleep...And I know my day was going to be hell before it even started.

        My sister was in the kitchen banging and grumbling. I don't know why, I really don't care why... I am just tir

      • You know...
        03/22/09
        You know with all of the events this summer and fall I questioned why anybody would want to be my friend or care about me. I wondered why I got the post cards, get well cards, etc I got... I just couldn't believe that there were any people out there how cared. I think I have gotten my answer

      • And one more thing...
        03/22/09
        The whole time I was in the hospital I only received one get well wish. I got one card by email when I was in the ICU but because of how stoned I was it got taken home and I really didn't see it until I go to my sisters.

        Otherwise I got 0 cards, 0 flowers, 0 anything. Now, I didn

      • This time...
        03/22/09
        I was talking to one of my friends and he was talking about how much better this time must have been than last time. I think they think because of what I went through this summer and the fact that those stones were ticking time bombs, that all of those surgeries must have been soo much worse than t

      • It is confirmed, I am the things I worry about.
        03/22/09
        I know I have been very, very needy lately. However, I now know that I am all of those things I worry about. I am a pain, interruption, and distraction to my friends.

        When my friends need to talk to me I try to give them my undivided attention, blocking out, turning off, or removing a

      • So much for that and a network crash...
        03/06/09
        Today the Doc made his first house call and opened 2 places on my incision line to let the puss and fluid drain out. So much for no more pain and getting some rest.

        There are all sorts of networks from computer to social. I may have a fairly large social internet, however my intranet is

      • Whatever rhymes with numb and dumb...
        03/04/09
        Numb, dumb... Either or neither. I don't know which I am feeling right now. I am glad to be out of the hospital but I still am not where I feel I need to be.

        Problem is even when I get to be physically where I want to be I am not sure I will be okay. The last few times I was in t

    • February
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